TOPIC: The secret Jedi

Little heads up first time to try it like this but here we go


Ch 1 part 1


As Kered stepped on to the bridge of the rebel ship he fought to keep up right.as the empire shoots with everything they have,the little cruiser stood no chance.
As the captain was unable to leave the med bay after the last encounter Kered knew he was in for a real fight. Emergency lights Flashed and sirens sang Kered stepped to the main flight chair and took the intercom
"This is Kered many of you know me.many of you have fought beside me but there's something you don't,I have and always will be a Jedi.
Even with all the noise around everyone froze. being with a Jedi was a death sentence no matter who it was
Kered spoke with more calm
" we are not gonna make it far we are badly damaged,that said I need six volunteers
to meet me at escape Hatch one everyone else abandon ship,
the mission was simple,but not easy
Get to Obi wan and tell him he's needed in the fight,six years in hiding is long enough.



Ok that's how I'm gonna stop today gotta go back to work but first time I've ever started writing with out huge outline

Nice, Kered! The concept of the "undercover" Jedi has been really interesting to me since Rebels started. I'm interested in seeing your persona unfold. Also, I really like the subtle way you've introduced the timeline.

Thank u I really like playing with the time between the movies I never watched rebels but might need to check it out

A perfectly packaged Teaser that captured my curiosity and held my interest. Great work Kered.

Ch 1 part 2

As Kered finished at the flight chair, fire and smoke filled the tiny bridge people began to move.with all he had done with this crew he knew there would be at least one person waiting at the escape hatch.
foot steps hit hard metal as Kered stepped around the corner to see half the crew waiting. He smiled inside,not a thing that happened much since the empire took over,he never expected this many people.but when you have saved these people as many times as Kered had,you get followers.
As he stepped forward he spoke softly"thank you all for coming but I only need six.Rent,Tog,Grey, Sloan,Maly and Flake your with me load up".
Kered had known Flake these past six years he was the one that helped him after his master was killed with the rest of the Jedi.
Being only a padawan when all went to hell he still needed help from others Flake was that guy.
Flash back a few years and Flake was the only one who knew who Kered was and helped him hide it. He was the one that told Kered to hide his lightsaber,to hide himself.
The others were close friends but not like Flake.
Kered stepped in to the escape hatch and took his place at the controls."ok guys and gals get strapped in we launch in 5...4..3..2..1 launch"smashed back in to his chair Kered realized if they can make it to a planet he might really complete his mission he thought to himself,
"I'm coming for you soon Asli Ramei you will not get away with the death of my master."
then it came to him that same feeling he got that fateful day he saw Jo'Di his master and friend fall. She's close I can feel it.Asli Ramei shes here.as laser fire erupted around the pod kered aimed toward the planet below and went full burn.

Chapter 2 part 1
Asli fancied herself a Sith Lord,but was just a bounty hunter. She had lightsabers from the Jedi she took out when the orders came down.Every saber had a story but the one on her hip was hers by right,she took Jo'Di down with little fight and claimed her saber as Jo'di lay dying at her feet.
Asli knew who was on the rebel ship she felt him as the exited light travel.Kered was the apprentice that Jo'Di was protecting,he got away those six years ago but she has him in her grasp and he would not get away this time.
She spoke with a hard growl she had worked in to her speech over the past 32 years.
"Fire on the ship bring it down."
She could feel the excitement creeping up inside of her if she could kill Kered and bring the body back to the empire she would be even richer then she was.but this fight was personal,she had fought him many times and he escapes every time.here over a planet was where she would end it after six long years of chasing him down it would be over
A crewman spoke from behind her "ma'am we have escape pods launching in every Direction"
"Take them all down start with that one". she pointed to the escape pod closest to the front of the ship.lasers fired but missed
"Fire again keep firing till there's nothing but dust remaining"
"Damn"she thought "he's getting away again" she spoke "tag that pod follow it down im headed to my ship give me landing location as soon as I radio"as she ran from the bridge.

Developing quickly! I like where it's going! Coincidentally, I have a female character with a very similar first name ;D Be interesting to see how yours turns out!

Kered. I am enjoying with much satisfaction the pace and rhythm you're writing with here. Descriptive and exciting creative writing driving spontaneous anticipation. Your passages while brief and concise are delivered in digestible volumes and juxtaposed against vivid content, it's truly sensational how much you actually fit in to this bundled package, tied-off with a bow.
Great Work.

Well thank y'all I know it's not the best so feel free to tell me how much it sucks too I'm cool with criticism I inow there's a few typos and I may have got ahead of my self once or twice but I am doing it all on my iPhone not the best thing to write a story but plz I need any help y'all want to throw my way

Well color me impressed if you're putting it together on a phone! The only typos that really get in the way is grammatical stuff; sometimes the sentence breaks are unclear. But there isn't really anything that keeps it from being readable.

Borommakot wrote:
Yea my so called smart phone is pretty dumb sometimes and writes what it wants if I hit space twice it likes to go crazy it's older so not the best

Hi Kered,

You're not alone friend, my Acer tablet has a (dumb) mind of it's own. If you check some of my previous posts elsewhere, you'll see edit markers saying "Had to correct Auto-Correct!" My tablet even inserts complete words when I submit the post and only discover the fact afterwards!

So well done on both the story and coping with the circumstances in which it's being written.

For Tyeth

Ch 2 pt2

As Asli jumped in to the small recon ship, she wondered what Kered and his rebels were doing on a ice planet."there's nothing here"she thought."how does he plan to get away this time?"
She finished the start up of the engine and took flight.
Out of all the years she has chased Kered, he never took her life when he had the opportunity. It was something she never understood about him."He dies today I swear it."
Her tiny recon ship was fast,sleek and one of the best Available. She took a hard left when she exited the docking bay and radioed to get the pods trajectory.
"Blister command this is Asli give me the info dump on the pod. I'm descending toward the surface now"
As the info dump came in she matched the pods path. "He's headed to the far side, to the trading post"She spoke to no one "but why he knows we will lock the planet down?"
She hit the atmosphere with little thought she might be going in too fast. Turbulence got rough. she was skilled and passed though it unharmed.
The pod vanished from all scanners. Asli struggled to understand what happened and radioed the Blister."where did that pod go?"she spoke harsh to the crewmen."Find it now I'm going in for landing. I better have the location or I'll have your head"
Asli brought the recon ship to a halt,and floated down on the landing pad.
As she got out she grabbed her long black robe, a secondary saber and two blasters.
"Prepare yourself Kered I'm on my way."she looked around and seen no one how odd that no landing crew was there to greet her."did the Blister not radio my incoming?"
As she walked toward the entrance blaster fire erupted around her. Asli was hit once in the left shoulder before she flipped backward hand over foot. She crouched down below a low wall and began her thoughts on counter attack.





Ok there's a little more got to rough out what's coming next hope y'all enjoy enough to stick around for the rest
Thanks

Kered
I knew staying up later than I ordinarily would shall reap rewards.
Still enjoying and still sticking around. The only reason I'd imagine hearing from you to a delayed and extensive absence would be that your smart phone stopped being smart.

OvrcAHst wrote:
Thanks I know where it's going but gotta get there and don't want to mess it up

I really enjoyed it! It's cool seeing the extent of this cat-and-mouse relationship, and the action was exciting.

Ch3 pt1

Kered knew the rebels controlling the base were upset for the position he's put them in.He knew they'd help anyways they always do,but abandoning a base, one which was unknown never went over well.
After a very rough landing Kered and the six volunteers made way to the base. He informed the commander what was about to rain down on them.
They moved fast preparing for evacuation, Kered help set up the defense as Asli was in her finial approach as they finished. He knew he was going to have to face her,wishing he could avoid it this round.
Flake spoke to his left,"are you ready for this little brother?"
"As ready as I'm going to get, stay out of it this time. I can't fight at my best knowing you might jump in at any moment." Kered spoke harsh, after last time there could be no mistakes.
He watched from cover as Asli emerged from her tiny ship. As he looked to the far side he signaled for the support rebels to hold for his command. Then turned to face the ones with him,"ok give her hell" Kered fired his blaster.
He seen Asli jump backwards toward cover just as a shot caught her in the shoulder. He held his hand up to stop the blaster fire and stepped in to the open.
"Asli I'm here, let's end this now if your ready."
"I'm always ready for you apprentice"Asli stepped in to view and pulled her saber.
" No no."thought Kered "that's not her saber, I'll have my masters blade today or die in the fight."
He had not used his saber in years since the last fight with Asli. He practiced when he could but being in hiding it was more difficult.
He pulled his saber and ignited it. The light blue blade hummed and it brought him back to the lighter days. He snapped out of that fast enough to see her flipping toward him, he rolled to the right and jumped to his feet. She was already on him again swinging like a mad woman not a Jedi trained. But she was good there was no denying it. The blades met in the air with a flash of light and bounced off one another, a foot caught Kered in the chest. He flipped backwards not having enough control to land on his feet and crashed to the ground.
He rolled back "I'm spending to much time getting knocked down,time to attack"he thought
Right as the blade came down he stopped it with his own "fast and strong I'll never stop her this way"
He swung overhead and caught the loose hairs swinging free as she flipped above him. "Not a Jedi but damn good."Kered smiled and advanced again pushing her back. By the time he saw the second saber, it was to late she caught him off guard knocking him to the ground,as she laughed in his face.
"You don't want to do this." He waved his hand in front of her. She laughed at him " you think your mind tricks work on me boy. I was trained by the emperor himself."
She raised her, no Jo'di's saber above her head.
He struggled but called his saber and stopped her blow inches from his face. He could feel the heat from the now red blade."It was green always green." Jo'di built it to show him how to construct his own.
As he pushed her back the force flowed though him and he stood.
"Not this time woman"Kered screamed. He walked to her as she lay on the ground. "This is for my master" he raised his saber as blue glow covered her, then he was grabbed from behind.
Flake pulled him away." I'm sorry brother to many are coming we must go now." He pulled Kered back more and they began to run. Kered heard her screaming behind them.
" Not me fools them, don't let them get away." Asli hissed at someone.
Kered and flake picked up the pace doubling their speed as foot steps echoed behind.
The ship the rebels have them to escape was not far."we just have to make it there, I can get us out of here."
Blaster fire slammed the walks beside them as they turned in to the docking bay.
As they entered the ship was covered with troopers. Kered knew they had no time with Asli right behind.
" what now little brother." Flake asked as he pulled his blaster free.

Little more hope u enjoy

Quite enjoyed, it Kered! Excellent display of emotion from your namesake; he felt real Looking forward to more!

That was a great read Kered. I really enjoyed it. Keep up the awesome work dude.

Thanks guys I'm glad y'all like i got some more half wrote so will be more soon
I hope