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The secret Jedi 1 year 3 months ago #47899

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Kered, enjoyment fulfilled, Thank you for another edition. You articulated the pace of the confrontation very well where obvious sight with the action taking place easily portrayed.
(It's funny, from your other Thread, when the respective Sabers ignited, my first thought was Yep, base flare-who doesn't like base flare ;) )

Well written, with a special mention to the smooth transition of exiting the fight abruptly and speedily fleeing towards the next indecisive encounter. Thank you.
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The secret Jedi 1 year 2 months ago #50811

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Ch3 pt 2

Kered ducked back behind the wall. As he did he pulled flake back also."ok this is what we do" Kered spoke softly."I'm going out there to clear the way.you fire down the Corridor after I make myself known."
Flake nodded and turned to face down the hall."how will I know when to fire?"he asked with a grin.
"Trust me you will know" Kered stepped in the docking port and screamed."here I am."
"Look it's the Jedi."a trooper turned and fired. Kered pulled his saber and blocked the blast easy enough it was the many that followed that he had to work to block.
As he swung his saber blocking blast after blast. Flake spoke behind him."little brother The Calvary is here." Kered turned to see the volunteers that came with him ready to fight.
"Ok let's get us a new ship."Kered smiled inwardly. The blaster fire still came but with help and if they were quick enough they could get off planet before any more troopers showed up to help stop them.
Kered stepped to the front of the small group. saber glowing bright blocking blast after blast as they pushed toward the ship.
Kered looked around,Rent fell beside him,"now is not the time for guilt."he thought.
Three troopers remained.kered jumped high into the air landing in between them. with a few swings the port was clear.
Flake was excited and it showed."that's how it's done little brother"
"No it's not we lost one of our own." He turned to see a lifeless Rent laying face up. eyes still open showing the shock of the blaster hitting him. Kered bent low and picked up the body.he could feel his friends eyes on him. "He was one of ours we don't leave him for the empire to get ahold of."
Kered went inside the ship and laid Rent on the bench before going to the cockpit.
As he took the pilot seat flake jumped in to the seat next to him.
"Well little brother where to next?"still with a grin.
Kered wondered how after losing a friend he could still smile. But they were going to make it,as long as they could get past any blockades around the planet.
As the ship took flight he could see the empire ships swarming the outpost. Then alarms began to go off on every console.
"I need three gunners now we got incoming"Kered yelled back to his
volunteers, one fewer now.
"Ok this might get a little bumpy hold on." He dove toward the surface and cut hard to his right spun and flipped back.
"I need a view"he thought "a good one." As he spun the ship hard he seen the four tie fighters and a ship he's not seen before.
"Ok I said I need gunners why are you not firing?"Kered was in a panic if they could not shot they were done for.
"Fire. Fire now." He screamed again.
"We are trying,they've messed with the targeting system.keep us alive for a few more minutes while I fix it." Tog screamed back.
"Keeping us alive with four ships on us?"flake grinned again "you got this little brother.do like we practiced and concentrate feel that power you have in you.use the force and we will all be fine."
"You have put to much faith in me big brother. I was still young when the order came down, I'm not as strong as most Jedi." Kered said with a little despair in his voice.
Flake looked him in the eye and spoke. "No brother you are a Jedi and a strong one at that if you weren't I'd never I trust my life to you." Again he smiled." Now get us out of here."
"Got it, time to fight back. Bring me around Kered, let's show the empire you don't mess with the Jedi." Tog said as his weapons went online and he began to fire.
"See what I tell you we will be fine."Flake leaned back and put his hands behind his head. as he did a shot came from behind them in the cabin and blew the front of flakes face in to the glass window. Kered screamed as his brothers lifeless body slumped down Dead.
Kered turned to see Asli coming up the ramp." How'd she get here,she's killed him. Kered closed the blast door to protect himself.he got on the coms.
"We have an intruder take cover we got to land and handle this." Kered again aimed down this time he'd land in one piece. Blaster fire hit the door over and over turning it red with heat.
From the other side he could hear her. "Kered, oh Kered, I'm here I've taken your master. now your friend, come and face me like a true Jedi."
Kered rolled the ship hard and fast and heard her hit a wall then silence.
The force is strong in this one.but the dark side is always there
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The secret Jedi 1 year 2 months ago #50987

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Kered, Great excerpt. I look forward to reading your compositions as they're (whilst easy to digest) packed-full of intensity and action. I was reminded of the battle of 300 during the confrontation within the Corridor. Granted the settings are entirely different and what similarities are shared may be questionable. It was the imagery I thought of nonetheless. Remaining defensive yet slowly and surely advancing to emerge victorious, even as a small win. Nicely done. A change of urgency of circumstances ensuing. I can feel an escalated expression of hostility and conflict developing. My teeth are clenched and body tensed with what's about to be engaged. Looking forward to your follow-on.
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The secret Jedi 1 year 2 months ago #50989

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Oh, thanks for bumping this, Ovrcahst! I almost missed it! Nice new entry, Kered, I loved the follow up battle scene, and the lead into the air pursuit. The tense not you've left it on, with his enemy right outside the door, is awesome!
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The secret Jedi 1 year 2 months ago #51032

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Hey thanks guys really appreciate your comments means a lot that ppl are reading at all and I'm really liking writing just off the top off my head so the fact that your enjoying it makes me feel better about the story in really buffing out that I'm about to start really writing with the wife again thanks more to follow
The force is strong in this one.but the dark side is always there
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The secret Jedi 1 year 2 months ago #51650

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Ch4 pt1
As Kered landed,his new ship his brother now dead beside him,he could hear the commotion in the cargo area behind him.
He stood knowing this would be his last fight with Asli. "this woman has taken the last person from my life." He swore to himself shaking from the act just done next to him.
He flipped the hatch lock and the door opened.there she stood two blades glowing with kereds crew littered at her feet.
She looked up and smiled at him."hello boy. it's about time I just took down your whole crew.why you say in the cockpit and had a cry."she wasted no time and jumped at him. Kered ignited his blade and stopped her blade."wait."he thought, "she has two!"the blow lands square on his chin and sent him to the ground."she had me dead,why does she play theses games." Kered said to himself as he stood for her next onslaught of blows.
Catching blow after blow Kered was pushed back toward the wall. As he reached into himself he threw her with all the force he could muster. Asli flew back but was catching her sod with a back roll and landed upright.
She laughed at him again."come boy do your worst,I've fought real Jedi you are no match for me."
Kered raised his saber and attacked fast and hard straight at her.she stopped his blows with ease,crackling the whole time.
"Enough."Kered screamed at Asli inches from her face.he kicked out and caught her in the shoulder.
Asli cried out but nothing seemed to slow her down.she came again with the fury she had unleashed on so many. fast left saber right saber again and again.
Kered tried his best but could see he was failing.
"As I always fail."Kered despaired. He kept up his defense but she broke though every few swings.beating him down Asli brought him to his knees.kered swung trying to fend her off. It was no use his saber flew from his hand and she kicked him foot to face as he the world around him went black he heard Asli, "worry not young one the emperor wants to take care of you his self." With one finial blow kereds world went dark.
The force is strong in this one.but the dark side is always there
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The secret Jedi 1 year 2 months ago #51656

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Thank you Kered for another exciting read so soon after the last! I could feel the defeat even before the confrontation concluded but had appreciation for the tenacity of 'Kered' to push on, however feebly, with attempts to make a difference. Experience aside, a single saber duelling against two after the ordeal that has just occurred fuels his advances and determination. Am eager to learn of his future, a victim of unfortunate circumstance. :)
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The secret Jedi 1 year 2 months ago #51657

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Well thank you very much I have the ending in mind I think you will enjoy and I really like writing this way and you and others reading it sure makes it a fun time thanks for the comments more should be coming in the next day or so after I reread it I seen lots of typos so I'll have to let my editor(my wife)read over next Time and catch those thanks again glad you enjoy
The force is strong in this one.but the dark side is always there
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The secret Jedi 1 year 2 months ago #51697

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Ch4 pt2
Sloan awoke on the floor of the cargo bay.his friends scattered around him.as he rose he shook his head."ok damn it sound off did we lose anyone?"he asked some what horse.
As he looked around he seen Grey and Maly stirring."you guys ok?"he helped Grey to his feet and notice no one else moved."damn it looks like the bounty hunter killed them."
"Ok what's are next move?"Maly spoke from the doorway of the cockpit.
"Ask flake he's the one going to fly this crap heap to the next world."Sloan said as he looked in the compartment the bounty hunter popped out of.
"Can't,"Maly called back"she killed him."
Sloan looked down at his feet,then back up as his only two friends he had left came walking back in.
"Well it's up to us then."Maly smiled grimly.
"What's that?" Wondered Grey
"To save Kered of course."Maly looked at him and she continued "Flake was the best friend any of us had and that woman took his little brother."
"But he wasn't his brother didn't you hear.kered is a Jedi he can handle himself."Grey said with a frown.
"Flake said he was his brother,that's good enough for me. I'm with you Maly."said Sloan "if he was flakes brother then he's mine.hell Kered has saved each and everyone of us more then once this time let's save him."he grinned and they began to gather their fellow comrades.
"Ok so we are going to get Kered that I get. But what is the plan.she's gone for a few hours at least how can we find them now?" Grey asked Maly from the co pilots chair.
"Well where we are there's only one stop between here and the next empire controlled base."Maly said flipping switch after switch to start up the engine.
"Ok. And where is that?"Sloan asked.
Maly pointed at the screen."tatooine of all places."
"Not really controlled by the empire but friendly enough to them."grey said from behind "alright take us there Maly"Sloan flipped his switches and Maly lifted them into the air."let's go get our little brother guys."she left the atmosphere and kicked in the light travel.
The flight was shorter then she thought. Maly called in to land in the main port."approved rang the voice over the com and she landed gently.
They gathered as many weapons as they could. exited the ship not knowing if they would ever return.
Maly spoke "there that was her ship on the last planet." She pointed to a ship off In the distance.
"Great ok let's do this."Sloan said pulling a blaster and of all things kereds lightsaber.
"Where did you get that?" Grey said wondering
"It was under a box in the cargo hold figured our new little brother would want his light sword" Sloan responded with a shrug.
"Just try not to use it. The last thing we need in this bar is you loosing an arm."Maly grinned
"Ha ha good one,but I can handle this thing."he brought it up and it ignited.
"Dang it Sloan nice.everyone knows what that is we were going for inconspicuous.not now let's do this fast find out where she is and get Kered back."Maly swore at him and they entered the bar.
Sloan pulled Maly back handed her the saber and said "she in there now go to the ship and find him we will catch up."
Maly turned and ran from the doorway but heard the blaster fire almost immediately."damn they didn't make it far in side before she must have seen them." She thought as she quickened her pace.

Ch 5
Kered sat upright and struggled at the metal that bound him. He tried over and over but was still to weak to do anything about them.
"flakes dead now I'm next, oh well that's what I get for thinking myself a true Jedi I'm just a guy with a grudge."he spoke to no one but as he finished he heard the outer hatch open."don't give up now brother we have came to get you." It was Maly walking toward him holding his saber out and setting it on his lap then she worked the knots holding him.
As he stood she put an arm under him and moved to the exit."Sloan and grey are the only ones left they are buying us time with Asli."said Maly.
"No they can't take her where are they let's get to them before anymore if you die for me."Kered said harshly.
As the emerged there stood Asli grey and Sloan weaponless in their knees before her.
"What little girl you thought it would be easy you know not who you mess with."Asli spoke as chills ran up Malys back.
Maly shoved Kered behind a building and screamed at him."go,go now. complete your damn mission make sure we don't die for nothing."Maly shoved him again and turned and ran at also full speed. Kered turned and ran fast as he could. "I'll complete my mission I will I promise." As he turned back he seen nothing but blaster fire and smoke. Asli came around the building he turned and ran switching directions every few hundred feet. After what seemed like hours went by as he ran,He stopped to catch his breath and realized he was no longer being chased.
Kered stopped a passer by and asked. "Where am I what planet is this?"
"Tatooine." The winged alien said "worst dump this side of the Galaxy ."
Kered was shocked,the damned woman,brought him right where he was headed.
"Now just got to find Master Obi-wan and I'm done."he said with relief in his voice. He asked around and no one had heard of him. He heard some one speak after he'd walked away."I wonder if he means that ben guy out past the ridge?"
That was enough for Kered he began That way on foot. It could take days to reach the spot he overheard. He stopped at a shop got a few things and started out though the desert.
He walked and walked for days.as the hills got bigger he knew he was close to the area and struck camp for one more night.
As he laid on the ground shivering with now way to make a fire. After a while with his thoughts he drifted,eyes heavy he fell to slumber.
As he awoke he stretched and sat up.
A voice behind him spoke.you think you could just run and hide from me?" Asli spoke
"No I hide from no one."Kered said as he reached for his saber.
"Then what are you up too boy?"
She asked
"We all have missions Asli and mine has been the same as always."Kered looked around and seen only her ship on the horizon.
"All alone out here no more friends to try and save you so what now Kered shall we end this silly game?"Asli stood and pulled her sabers
Kered shook his head "no Asli this was never a game." He continued"this is the the Jedi way fight for the good of the people and den fend the ones that need it. But yes let this between us be done let's end whatever connection we have."Kered ignited his saber "blue" he thought "blue like the seas of my home,may I got there when it's all done."
She swung at him Kered side stepped.still a little sore and slow but her second blow missed as well. He knew in his heart that this was it he could feel it. He Advanced toward her swinging with fury. all he had in him over and over pushing her back,her feet sliding though the sand.
She blocked and blocked but his blows did nothing, the woman was good.she swing wide with her left saber he blocked it,from the right her second saber caught his free hand. Taking most of it off with one mighty swing.
Kered screamed and flipped away. He ripped his over shirt and wrapped his injury quickly.as he finished she was on him again this time her left saber sweeping his upper leg and dropping him to the ground. Blocking the next few blows was hard but he managed it. She kept swinging.Kered was on his back barely keeping her at bay.she grabbed his injured hand as he lost grip on his saber it fell to the ground and shut off.
Asli stood over him for a long time, just looking in to his eyes."the emperor wants you but you've been to much trouble.he will get over this one."
Asli raised her saber and drove it in to his gut. She shut the saber off laughed and said "goodbye Kered I've done exactly what I said I would do many years ago.and it's done enjoy the last few minutes of your life." She turned laughing and walked towards her ship.
Kered laid in the sand staring at the sky."blue huh maybe I will go home." He chuckled to himself and choked and the blood forming in his mouth. He closed his eyes preparing himself for what was to come.
Had he faded in and out he heard a voice"oh my word,young man are you alive?"the mans voice was scared and worried.kered grunted as he was pulled toward a speeder. The man lifted him up and strapped him down in a seat.
"You should just leave me I'm never going to survive this"Kered spoke almost a whisper.
"That may be young man but I must try if only for my own Conscience."the man said.
After an hour or more Kered could not tell anymore the speeder slowed to a stop.kered opened his eye for the second they allowed and lost himself in the blackness of night he'd seen nothing and he was unconscious again.
Kered stirred and heard a woman's voice "calm yourself young man."she said "all will be ok shortly."
"I'm looking for a man by the name Obi wan.can you help me before it's too late please." Kered begged.
She was quite a moment then said "your a Jedi right?"
"Barely." Kered responded
Well young man I'm afraid you are not going to make it to this man."
Then she called out for the man"Owen we have a problem."
Kered opened his eyes again to see the man and woman standing over him looking somewhat sad.
"Young man I'm so sorry I've done everything in my power but your not going to make it."the man said
"I know I can feel it coming but I need a favor."Kered asked
"No young man we want to that's not the case we have a child to look after and helping a Jedi would put us in a bad spot.im so sorry."the man said
Kered shook his head. He could not ask anyone else to give up their life for his mission. "I understand" Kered speaking softer with every word.
He felt something befor he heard the small voice."uncle Owen what's going on"a young boy entered the room rubbing sleep from his eyes."what's all this noise?" The boy finished.
"Nothing that concerns you luke back to bed now."said Owen
As kereds eyes closed his final breath leaving him. Owen spoke to his wife "I'll take to body out always and bury it. Clean this place up if someone comes looking I don't want any reason for them to ask questions."as he reached for the body of Kered he said "tell Luke nothing I'll be back by mid morning."
The End

Afterword
I know I killed my own character but in the world of Star Wars Luke and the others are the heroes not that Kered is not but it was not his Distany To find Obi wan or beat the empire I wanted to write a story where even though he was a hero on a mission he didn't complete he still gave his life for the cause and that in my mind is just as important as beating the empire so I hope you enjoyed my little story and please feel free to bring any questions you might have to this thread and I'll try to answer as best as I can thank you for reading
The force is strong in this one.but the dark side is always there
Last Edit: 1 year 2 months ago by Kered.
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The secret Jedi 1 year 2 months ago #51709

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Good read Kered, I enjoyed it. Nice update to the story.
You give life, You are love.You bring light to the darkness.
You give hope, You restore every heart that is broken.
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The secret Jedi 1 year 2 months ago #51718

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Great conclusion, Kered! I have found in the past that his can be the most powerful kind of ending. Do you plan to post more writing in the future?
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The secret Jedi 1 year 2 months ago #51735

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Borommakot wrote:
Great conclusion, Kered! I have found in the past that his can be the most powerful kind of ending. Do you plan to post more writing in the future?

I have a few thoughts of more fan fiction
I might try out but if so I'll put it up for you and others to check out
The force is strong in this one.but the dark side is always there
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The secret Jedi 1 year 2 months ago #51770

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Kered, a cinematic end to the Hero's untimely demise. Not the exit I had imagined however with tales of sacrifice, the engagement IMO is much more powerful then a happy ending.
Agreed there are a 'few' typos, forgiveable considering the medium in which you deliver this Posting, overcoming auto-correct would be of equal challenge to entering keystrokes via phone.

I particularly enjoyed the demonstration of comradery. Brothers not biologically, through strength and perseverance, Brothers through War and thrust together of War. The unity described is an eternal bond measured as each stand shoulder to shoulder with a mutual goal to achieve and complete the desired Mission. No one inadvertently gets left behind.

The Rescue Mission, thwarted by obstacles set by the antagonist, rallying together with odds stacked against. Set admist a different timeline, the familiar references to destinations and characters drive a relatable plot. The duty of acknowledgement, highly charged at the result of sacrifice of fallen brothers. Purpose is clear and end-game is near, direction isn't lost advancing towards the target objective. A leader that doubts his status as a Jedi however undoubtedly recognised by his peers. Reflection within onself is where his true adversity lies.

Was the Mission over ambitious? Hardly. Risk, courage, intensity and struggles. Although the target not directly sought, edging closer it has been systemically paid forward. A new generation, the next group of Brothers shall pick up where this has left off. Thank You.
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