TOPIC: The Gray truth

Kered, that was actually a really pleasant read of warmth and nurture, Thank You. Am really appreciating the tone you have developed with character portrayal. There's an immediate recognition of the troubled Youth-Trux, victim of a clouded upbringing and by her addressing Herak in a condescending and defiant 'Jedi!'. This is portrayed excellently, like a child remaining defensive at the introduction of her new Guardian, her only security, her only memory is the possession of an imperfect Hilt. The nurturing of her esteem by her new family will only fuel (favourably) to her conflicted confidence. Great writing, great reading and such a successful conclusion to Chapter3's Part 1. Thank You.

Ch4 pt1

After the second day in flight Trux was unsure of these Jedi. But she could use them to make her stronger in the ways of the force.
She did need a better saber. That was not the only reason she came along but it was the main one.
As the third day came she found herself smiling at Racq and Zurich.
They were an odd pair but we're very nice to her. Trux had dug though the crate of parts two days earlier, choosing more parts then she was given by the Jedi,Herak.
Even choosing some that made her saber look more like Herak's.
She may not trust him completely but his saber was of a great design.
As she sat staring at her rebuilt hilt not finished but close. She was thinking of giving Herak more then a few weeks to teach her.
After awhile the intercom on the wall beeped.standing she walked to pressing the pad."what do you want."she asked
Herak's voice came back "we will be dropping out of light speed in less then an hour. come help me pack a few things for our trip."
Rolling her eyes she answered him"very well Jedi I'm on my way."
Clipping her unfinished hilt to her belt she walked out of her room toward the cargo area.
"Why do you need me for this Jedi?" She asked Herak before In view
As she stepped in to the room Herak stood near the crates by the far wall. Without a word he turned back and forth grabbing different things putting them in to a pack.
Over his shoulder he spoke to her
"Come grab a pack fill it with food and water we will be away from the ship for a week at least."
"A week? What are we going to do Jedi?"asking him
With a sigh he turned to her."we are going to get your crystal for your saber. then we will spend a few days training before returning to the ship."
"You said I could leave after we built it."eyeing him from under her brow.
"If that's what you choose to do I will not stop you." He said a slight frown on his face.
"Did you think two days with you Jedi was going to change my mind."
"No,I guess not.that's fine,let's get ready. we can finish the saber, Then I'll show you a place to find a way back to the sith."Herak said
Nodding she grabbed a pack and began to help him gather supply's.
Racq entered the cargo area breathing a little heavy"lien you need to see this."
Lien sitting over on the bench gave a quick nod stood and followed Racq to the cockpit.
"What is happening Jedi?"Trux wondered
"I don't know,but let us find out."with an odd look he set down his stuff.walking to the halland Turning back as he went asking"well you coming?"
Trux dropped the pack and jogged to catch Herak, maybe this Jedi is not so bad she thought with a slight grin. My old master would never let me in a cockpit.
As she entered alarms were going off.
"what is it?"she asked
"Sensors picked up three small ships,but only for a split second as we dropped out of light speed."Zurich answered her.
No Sith ever really answered when children asked, it was learn or die.
"It must of been a glitch In The system."lien spoke
"Maybe. But let's keep on our guard ,eyes open Zurich take us in for a landing and let us get this over with."Herak said turning to go"Trux lets get our stuff."
After they landed in a clearing.trux could see trees in many number.so thick in fact she could not see ten feet in to the wooded area.
Herak with Trux following right behind,walked down the ramp.
She went out a little looking around,the trees were taller then any she had ever seen.
"What now Jedi?"she asked him
"Now we go get your crystal."answering her and walking past her Into the forest.
Catching up with him probing him more."how long will this take?"
"A day or two maybe three. I know where we are going. Racq and I came here to get ours as well."
Nodding she fell silent following him.
After a few silent hours walking Herak began to talk with her."what's your story Trux? How did you end up with the sith?"
"I know only a little." She went on speaking softly " my first memory is of my master so I know only what he told me."
"What was his name?your sith master?"
"That matters not, the old one,lien killed him.then took me to your council."she was getting angered by this she herself could hear it in her voice.
Herak said no more till stopping and looking around "ok here we make camp. we can find what we need within a short walk from here."
They set up camp built a fire and sat across from each other.
"Can we go get the crystal now Jedi or must we wait some more?"
"No we can go now if you are ready."saying back to her and standing.
She watched him as he walked over about ten steps from where she sat. Grabbing a big rock with his mind he threw it in to the trees. Looking down he nodded and waved her over.
Confused she stood and walked over, looking down where the rock had sat. She seen them, five crystals imbedded in the rock the shallow hole showed two green,a blue off to one side and two yellow.
"Ok now it's your turn. choose the one you want, then very gently use the force to pull it free of the rock."
He went on "maybe try with the other colors before pulling the one you want. If you do it wrong you will get another like your red one. cracked and unstable."finishing he walked back sitting down by the fire.
As he did she reached out with her mind and pulled on a green one, pulling it out quick and fast. It shattered before it landed in her hand. Throwing it to the side she stared at Herak" Jedi you do it I am unable"
Shaking his head saying "this is your test not mine. Try the others before the last green or you will have which other color is left."
After hours and hours of trying and breaking all but one green crystal, she sat staring at it. "If I break this one Jedi you must take me to more."
"No if you break this last one, we go back to the ship."Herak said
Staring at the single crystal,Trux put her all in it, from beside her she heard Herak speaking to her.
"Trux,Jedi are not the type to try with anger. Reach inside yourself for the hope, the good pull gently with your mind softly as if picking a flower. It is not the dark but the light that shows us the way."still softly he went on"reach deep my padawan then and only then can you pull the crystal free"
Trux closed her eyes hearing his words, focusing on the object she reached out and heard a popping noise. Opening her eyes the crystal floated in front of her.
Shocked she looked at it. The green was not all green it had a steak of yellow running though the bottom.
Snatching it from the air she jumped up a hugged Herak. Just as fast she pulled back.
"Forgive me Jedi I don't know why I did that."looking down then up not looking him in his eye.
"It's fine young one,you did very well."Herak said "now let's finish up your saber and install it."she was so happy she could not hide the smile on her face.

Extraordinary writing Kered, Thank You. I am really enjoy the character relationships develop that exists between Herak and Trux. Remarkable test of patience and a test of inner peace in order to successfully obtain that which is so highly sought. The potential this newly acquainted Padawan will build has much potential. Keep it up. With this Post of mine it marks 1000 Posts for me and with that just passing 4am I bid you Good Night.

OvrcAHst wrote:
Oh funny u passed to 1000 and I passed to elite member

Sorry for the delay but now


Ch4 pt2

As Herak helped Trux finish her saber the hours pasted turning in to days. As they tightened the last piece Herak stood and backed away a few steps.
"Ok, why don't we turn it on, and give it a try."Herak said with a slight grin.
Trux stood pulling her saber up right with a loud hum the blade ignited. It shot from the hilt a dark green, to Herak's surprise it had a yellow streak running though it. Looking like an opposite to his own blade.
Nodding in approval Herak pulled his saber igniting it saying "now let us test it." Pulling his saber to his shoulder the young padawan came at him swinging wide,he met her blade pushing it back.
She came again this time with a leap to start, spinning as she flew towards him,again he met her blade and pushed her back.
"Try coming at me with out all the flare to your movements." He said
Nodding she slowed herself and walked right to him, eyes meeting eyes,she came from the high left as she did, he caught the end of her blade,spinning round she caught him with a kick knocking him back. Gaining his balance he stood waiting for her next attack. But it didn't come she was looking behind him.
Herak turned to see, there was nothing. Looking back at her asking "what is it?"
"I seen shadows past those trees."she said eyes not moving from where they looked.
Again he turned this time he also saw a quick shadow move past.
"Stay sharpe something feels off." Herak said as he stepped toward the trees.
As he did he was thrown back,fast and hard, into camp. Landing on his back with a roll to get upright he reignited his saber preparing for what would come next.
As Herak pulled his saber to his shoulder Trux moved slowly to his side, saber at the ready.
A laugh came from the tree line, cackling, as it got closer. Just as it sounded as if it were on top of them, three dark hooded figures stepped in to sight.
"Well, well what have we here."the one that stood in between the others spoke.
"Why have two Jedi come to this planet?" He turned looking around "and all alone too."
To Herak's surprise Trux stepped forward saying" I am no Jedi. This one was helping find a way back to the sith that is all." You could hear a little fear behind her words.
"If that were true, how come you train with him?" The hooded man replayed
Herak then spoke "leave us be and no one must die here today sith."
"Brave words but you are outnumbered Jedi."a second spoke
"Trux come closer stay behind me." Herak said pointing to a spot next to himself.
She looked at him odd saying "no it will be fine,"before she could finish new hums filled the air, she turned, seeing all three sith had ignited red blades. They began to spread out creating a half circle around them.
Herak knew he would have to act fast. "Trux do as I say. Get in position, we won't be leaving here with out a fight."
Looking between Herak and the sith unsure of what to do.
The center man in the dark hood spoke to her"if you are truly a sith help us kill this Jedi. After we will take you with us."as he said this he looked up showing his dark yellow almost golden eyes.
As he finished she only nodded, then walked to them, turning, she faced Herak pulling her saber back to fighting stance.
Herak could not believe it but was not shocked the young girl chose the side with the greater number. He looked her in the eyes, she looked down in return.
"Very well." Herak said "come let this be at an end."
Before anyone could react Trux struck the sith to her right dropping him from behind. The others turned, the man in the center using the force,throwing her to the ground. Herak jumped at him to break his hold on the girl before he could reach him he was met by a ruby red blade swinging down to stop his path.
With a swing to the side he met the blade as it swung again. Hit, after hit they fought stepping in, and back out each looking to land a blow.
Herak saw from the left the other was coming at him. He stopped the sith cold in his tracks blades sparked off each other as the Jedi battled the two sith. moving faster then he had in years he push fighting with all he had, a kick to the chest landed as Herak hit the ground gasping for air.
The two sith walked to stand over him from behind them a green blade came down, one turned to meet it, after two, three swings. Trux fought one sith as the others blade scraped her back long ways. She screamed with the impact, but did not fall she turned as she did the blood red of the blade coming drown just above her left hand taking it off.
She screamed again,falling to her knees, clutching the now missing part of her arm.Herak's mind raced as he jumped to save the young girl. Before the other could move Herak took his head, one clean swipe and it rolled across the ground.
Surprised the last turned coming at him swinging like a man gone wild. Herak kept up blocking all the blows easily. Stepping back he was coming to land the final blow as a green blade showed though his chest. Falling to revile Trux beaten and bloody. She gave Herak a small grin before falling to the ground unconscious.
Herak picked her blade up clipping it to his belt. As he bent low grabbing Trux he ran full speed with the young girl held in his arms.

That was an exceptional read Kered. Like the calm before the storm, chaos and aggression soon washed over the peace that was between Master and Padawan familiarising with a newly forged instrument. The initial engagement was playful, teaching with direction a young one that is eager to learn. The engagement that followed as they were confronted had high energy and excitement as words followed words of the encounter.

I had hoped Trux's momentary loyalty shift was a disguise to draw closer to the enemy and was correct in concluding so. A guardian defending the young and the young too proud to retreat, determined to overcome the infiltrators until the very end, standing strong and holding her own.
A valiant effort demonstrated by Trux and an accelerated delivery by the Writer. Thank You.

I could be mistaken but I recognise the use of a different recipe in the compositions of The Gray Truth that wasn't present in The Secret Jedi. Wherever you draw your inspiration from keep fuelling yourself with it as IMO there's a noticeably remarkable difference between the two.

OvrcAHst wrote:

Thank you very much I want to write story's that have some kind of feeling behind them and try to incorporate the types of feelings I my self would have In the same types of events(not that These exact but similar) to be 100% honest I just free type my story's as I go I have an ending in mind then work my way to it with this story compared to the secret Jedi I tried to be more detailed a little slower paced too it means a lot that you are enjoying it and hope others do too my main goal in doing theses fan fictions is practice for the story I'm writing with my wife( that was why it didn't get posted yesterday we started to write our story out and it consumed the last few days) again thank you and more will follow

Loved this new entry, Kered! I actually didn't see Trux's turning against the Sith coming, so it was a pleasant surprise.

Borommakot wrote:
Thanks. glad I'm able to surprise here and there,as this is technically Only the second story I've ever written I'm glad it pleases(the secret Jedi was my first ever try at really writing not including high schools creative writing classes but that was 11 years ago.man just saying that makes me feel older ) I am trying to get better as I go and hope to write a story people would want to read

Kered, Similar events retold in creative writing? You didn't recently go camping with someone your Junior only to be confronted by three 'up-to-no-gooders' with (after sending the 3 running) Junior suffered injury to a particular hand, by any chance did you?

Remarkable and credit to you with these Chapters resulting from free type and spontaneous thinking. Like forged steel untempered and polished there is a beautiful quality that is appreciated and when translated to writing, all the more praise-worthy with having the foresight with how it will be finished. Well done and definitely looking forward to more.

Just finally caught up with all that you have written Kered, and wow.. the story is going amazingly well. I love what I am reading. Very nice work. Can't wait to read more, super excited. Keep up the great job.

Thanks mhm it will most like be a few days before more I'm writing a book with the wife and it's got all my time right now but more will come glad you enjoy it

Kered, this joint collaboration you reference with your Wife, is it Star Wars Themed also? Even if it's not, I for one will express an interest with reading it.

OvrcAHst wrote:


No it's not Star Wars it's a complete original story(we hope)but if you are interested I for one would like for you to check it out it's still early in but once we have bout ten chapters wrote(we have 4)I'll pm you my email address and we can work out how to let you read it I'm trying to keep the circle who read it small at first but I think you might like it

Thank You Kered, definitely interested. It's an honour I would be privileged to. I've noticed that you've changed your Avatar image. (I've noticed this with Borom also and interpreted it as marking his Character development advancing through the Trials. We haven't had any opportunity for exchanges recently and Friday is far until Trials is delivered). At first I thought maybe it's representative of Herak with your latest writings however the posed-with blade colour is Yellow with the absence of the Light Green (or maybe the Green pulsing through it can't be seen as it isn't held close enough against his face).

OvrcAHst wrote:

It is a pic I found to be close to how I see Herak in my head but I could not find one that had the green spinning though it thanks for noticing I'll pm you my email in the next week or two

Kered, Thank you. It'll be like anticipating delivery of a Saber. I saw the association to Herak and it's reassuring knowing that the intention was such from the Author also. You may need to Photoshop the subtle Green depending on how accurate you'd like the depiction to represent.

Mate, in about two weeks?, you and your Wife must be working Overtime to achieve a milestone that is the First Draft. That's essentially knocking-out another 6 Chapters right? If you're anything like me, with thought processes and compositions, there may be some pacing (or a lot) and an accelerated soiling of a nearby ashtray.

Yea we work lots and talk about it just as much we are writing and rewriting as we go two weeks is my hope I'll keep you updated





Ch5 pt1

As Herak ran threw the tree dodging one after the other, so not to lose speed, he held the young girl, Trux tight in his arms.
Not knowing if she would survive this unprovoked attack by the sith.
She saved his life twice in a matter of moments. Herak could not figure out why, knowing she wanted to go back to the sith, why has she saved him. He also knew that is the sith were on planet there was more then three he would have to deal with. If they had found him in the woods by themselfs then surly they had found the ship.
As he came in sight of the small ship. He saw fire and smoke billowing from it. lien was waiting for them and Racq to get back alone with enemy's near. He could not have taken more then one or two sith with no help.
Herak called as he got closer."lien, lien I need help now."
His former master stepped out of the burning ship."what has happened." Said lien throwing supply's to the ground."I had a sith attack not long ago the ship is no longer able to get us off world."he stopped looking toward Herak. "What has happened does she live."
"She does but badly injured.throw me the med kit. I will slow the bleeding and then we will go find a new ship."Herak spit
"Don't let anger cloud your reason young one."lien said not moving
"We have to save her I can't lose this one I will not. Where is Racq?"Herak asked
Lien pointed "they are coming now."
Herak turned from Trux laying on the ground to see nothing. He scanned again only then did he see the two coming from the tree line.
"Lien you and Zurich take care of Trux, Racq and I will go find where the other sith."standing as he spoke and turning to Racq who was just now seeing that there was a problem.
"What is going on."he asked as he did Zurich ran to Trux laying before them tossing a little from the pain.
"We had s run in with three sith if not for her I'd be dead."he went in slow and calm. "Racq we will need to find another way of this planet, we are going to find it. Zurich take care of her for me. We will return with a way to get her help she needs." Turning and walking back to the trees he heard Racq say something to his wife. "You take care of her, I'll take care of him. Then Herak heard the foot falls bed him as Racq attempted to catch up.
Within an hour of fast paced walking, Herak heard voices past them in some thick over brush.
Herak waved Racq to keep up with him sneaking though the trees to get closer. As they did they seen it opening to a clearing. There with three ships stood eight or more sith all battle armed and ready for a fight. Looking toward Racq,who was shaking his head, Herak began to reach for his saber. Stopping his shoulders dropped a little when he felt Trux's instead.
"This is a bad idea Herak,we can not beat them we are out numbered four to one." Racq said slowly moving back away from the many sith a stones throw away.
"I care not for odds. I will take them all if you will not help me." Herak's voice seemed far off as he spoke. As he stood he walked forward to the position of the sith.
Coming to the clearing he emerged from the trees and spoke loudly. "Now is the time of the Jedi. Now is the time to end the rule of the sith." Getting louder as he spoke. "Now is the time."
All the sith turned staring at this new voice coming from the trees.
Then they saw him a stepping forward pulling his saber it ignited.
Herak spread his feet a little then pulled the yellow blade,twisting the hilt,as he pulled it to his shoulder.
"Now is the time." He screamed as lightsabers ignited around him, surrounding him in a red glow.

Hi Kered, Ovr,

I don't have Photoshop, but I do have GIMP (it's free and it does the same job!).

I hope you don't mind but I have added that tinge of Green!

Before:


And now Green:


It is subtle but I think it works ok.

Keep up your great work with this story!

For Tyeth

Intense new entry! Waiting to see how they take in so many Sith is gonna drive me nuts!