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A sneak peak 1 year 4 months ago #40844

  • CallMeMistaJ
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Here is a quick peak at my story! So far it revolves around a Sith apprentice Kitsune, a human female and Talon Koth, a Mandalorian Force Hunter. Hope you guys enjoy!



Peace is a lie there is only passion.
Through passion I gain strength.
Through strength I gain power.
Through strength I gain victory.
Through victory my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me.
-The Sith Code

Kitsune studied this verse over and over again on her cot in the Sith Temple on Korriban. She would mutter it over and over again, chanting monotonously as if she were practicing dark Sith Magic. Kitsune was studying for her test before the Dark Council and her Master, Darth Traeken, expert lightsaber duelist. She gripped her saber, laying next to her pillow. The Sith Apprentice had forged it herself, using materials she found on her latest 'training mission'.
The armored figure walked down the bustling city street. He got many odd looks from the passerbys, but kept walking, undeterred. A hiss came from his shoulder and he looked down. His pet Ysalamir was on his shoulder hissing to his left. The man changed his pace, and followed his Ysalamir. As he walked, the street led into an alley. Cautiously, he entered the alley, hand on one of the holstered pistols by his side. There was now a cloaked figure walking along the same path. As the man continued to follow, the cloaked man broke into a run. The mans lightning fast reflexes caused him to draw his pistol quickly and fired three consecutive shots. Then, he heard the distinctive hum of a lightsaber being ignited.
The figure spun around and deflected the three shots with its blue lightsaber. The bolts came back to the man and they bounced right off his armor. The figure threw off its, now her, cloak and got into a battle stance. The Jedi raised her hand and the Force flew from her palm. As she did the Ysalamir let out a screech. Everything moved except the armored man and his pet. The girls eyes widened as she looked him over again. Multiple lightsabers dangled from his belt. A Ysalamir was on his shoulder. He had two black market modified blasters. The lightsaber trophies on his belt. He had a set of blue, black, and silver, modern Mandolorian armor on. This girl knew who he was. Every Force user did. "You're Talon Koth, The Forcehunter."
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Last Edit: 1 year 4 months ago by CallMeMistaJ.
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A sneak peak 1 year 4 months ago #40859

  • Borommakot
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Pretty sweet! What kind of feedback (if any) are you looking for?
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A sneak peak 1 year 4 months ago #40862

  • OvrcAHst
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Credit to you for your creative writing. It's not easy to create a setting and plot where the reader is immersed as if actually being there. Anticipation from word to word and can almost smell the staleness of the air in this alley you describe and the energy of the characters portrayed. Great work. The imagery by descriptive references illustrates a stimulated imagination. Much like a Readers Digest version where passages are offered as little teasers. Creates excitement and an eager desire to find out what happens next. My attention was undivided, thank you.
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A sneak peak 1 year 4 months ago #40901

  • CallMeMistaJ
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Borommakot wrote:
Pretty sweet! What kind of feedback (if any) are you looking for?


Thanks dude! I was just posting this up for fun, but any feedback would be appreciated!
OvrcAHst wrote:
Credit to you for your creative writing. It's not easy to create a setting and plot where the reader is immersed as if actually being there. Anticipation from word to word and can almost smell the staleness of the air in this alley you describe and the energy of the characters portrayed. Great work. The imagery by descriptive references illustrates a stimulated imagination. Much like a Readers Digest version where passages are offered as little teasers. Creates excitement and an eager desire to find out what happens next. My attention was undivided, thank you.

Wow man, that means a lot to me, as a writer. Thank you so much for reading it! I can't wait to release the whole thing!
Own
-Champ 12+ watt Phoenix

Want
-Monarch
-Sinister Prophecy
-Oracle
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A sneak peak 1 year 4 months ago #41114

  • Eddlyss64
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Wow, most impressive. As a novice fiction writer, I can see from your writing that I'm on the right track. Similar to what has been stated, you really pull the audience right into the fray. This is something for me to strive towards as I advance as a writer. Props to you!


Emerald Knight, Chosen, Dark Paladin, Sentinel
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