TOPIC: Star Wars: Fates

Star Wars: Fates

Chapter One

Peace is a lie there is only passion.
Through passion I gain strength.
Through strength I gain power.
Through strength I gain victory.
Through victory my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me.
-The Sith Code

Kitsune studied this verse over and over again on her cot in the Sith Temple on Korriban. She would mutter it over and over again, chanting monotonously as if she were practicing dark Sith Magic. Kitsune was studying for her test before the Dark Council and her Master, Darth Traeken, expert lightsaber duelist. She gripped her saber, laying next to her pillow. The Sith Apprentice had forged it herself, using materials she found on her latest 'training mission'.

Kitsune and her master were on route to Myrkr. They landed on the planets surface and as she stepped off Traeken took off leaving her stranded. Believe it or not, this happened often to her. Kitsune rolled her eyes and looked at the planet. It was a forest environment, tall trees, green brush. She checked her belt and inventoried. Three food rations, a DL-44 blaster pistol, and a communicator. She sighed and paced herself into a light jog. She had to find shelter and a way off the planet. Kitsune ran speedily through the trees, keeping her mind open and sensing everything, she created a map of the route in her head by tracking he concentration of midichorians in each living thing.
Then she heard a twig snap.
She immediately stopped and declared, "I know you're there! Come out!" The girl walked towards the point of the sound. As she looked around she saw nothing, but even weirder was that she sensed nothing either. Kitsune shook her head. "Firefek." The girl had picked up the Huttese curse word throughout her travels. She punched a tree in anger and groaned in frustration. She continued to sprint through the forest.
After an hour, Kitsune found a hut. She paused behind a tree and composed herself as best she could. She had been training to be a Sith Assassin, and her womanly charms had helped in the matter. Kitsune was a Sith half-breed, her father was a pureblood and her mother a human. The apprentice had a slender, fit body perfect for acrobatics. She had long, flowing, red, hair and orange eyes, both native to the Sith race. She had an unblemished face and pink, full lips. As she finished she walked up to the door of the hut and knocked. "Hello?" Kitsune asked very femininely. As she did so, the assassin reached out with the Force to sense if anyone was there, and sure enough there was, and the being definitely was attuned to the Force. Kitsune then began to mask her presence from the Force-sensitive, something Sith were trained to do. Then the door opened. A man in his late twenties appeared. Blue-grey eyes, dark hair, and a structured jawline were his main features. Kitsune also noticed that he wore the robes of a Dark Jedi, robes adopted by the fence-riding force sensitives. The robe itself was a black and the tunic a dark, leathery, brown, versus the usual Jedi colors of light brown and tan respectively. The man looked at her up and down.
"Yes?" He asked her.
"Please sir, could you help me? I've been stranded on this planet. My shuttle exploded overhead and my escape pod landed here, and I've been looking for hours for a shelter." Kitsune replied, making her eyes well with tears and her voice high pitched.
"Of course, of course! Come in!" He said a smile on his face. As she walked into his hut Kitsune noticed a lightsaber hanging from his belt. She made a note in her head about it. "What's your name?" He asked closing the door.
"K-Kitsune." She replied.
"Mavrin. People call me Maverick though." Mavrin replied. Kitsune nodded and sat down on an open leather covered cot. She took a minute to examine her surroundings. The hut was relatively small, sparse amounts of furniture littered the room. A refresher station was towards the far wall, next to it, a small cooking area. A wooden beam ran across the middle of the hut, like a spine. Then she noticed a silver workbench in the corner of the room. On it, different lightsaber pieces. Emitters, focusers, focusing chambers, power crystals and a ruby colored lightsaber crystal. What caught her eye most however was a piece she hadn't seen but had heard about. A very complex and unique sort of focusing piece, used by Exar Kun, legendary Sith Lord. The piece would allow the user to change the length of the blade. "You know what those pieces are, don't you?" Maverick asked, eyebrow raised.
The girl nodded, "Lightsaber pieces. And I want them."
Maverick shook his head. "Darling, you're not a Force user, you'd be killed in mere seconds using one." Kitsune, frowned standing up.
"Are you sure about that?" Her posture and tone changed back to the way they were supposed to be, dark and menacing, but still lady-like. Maverick's eyes widened. Kitsune grabbed her blaster and fired three consecutive shots, but she underestimated Maverick, and he drew his lightsaber quickly. It's blonde blade ignited with a distinctive, 'vrrrrm'. Maverick blocked all the shots, but the agile assassin, dodged the bolts. Kitsune rolled to the side and fired again. The reflected bolts again barely missed her. She got up and lunged towards Maverick, making a sweeping kick. The kick connected with his shins, and he grunted and fell backwards. As Kitsune made her way towards him, Maverick used the Force to pull himself back up and readied himself. Kitsune kicked at his hands and the lightsaber flew out. The lightsaber hit the ground and Maverick looked frightened. He tried to run away but the would-be assassin wouldn't let that happen. She grabbed the support beam and propelled herself towards him. She wrapped her legs around Mavericks head, and she jerked her waist and and legs in opposite directions. Kitsune head a crack as Maverick's head was disconnected from his spinal column. She dusted herself off as the body collapsed to the ground. She took the dead Jedi's saber under her foot and crushed it, pieces scattering everywhere. Kitsune then focused her eyes on the work bench.
Hours later the girl had finally finished her saber. Kitsune grabbed the lightsabers hilt and ignited the crimson blade. The blade grew to its full length. She then pressed a button on the sabers hilt and it shrunk to the size of a shoto saber. Pleased she then pressed another and the blade extended past its normal length, adding a few inches to the top. Not so much so that it was clumsy but enough to get a greater reach. Her blade was also unique in the fact that it did not have a synthetic red crystal like most Sith blades, but a natural Crimson one. The design of her hilt was interesting as well. Most Sith and even Jedi lightsabers reflected the personality and the sometimes the perspective duties of said lightsabers user. Kitsune looked at the hilt of her new blade. It was made of a obsidian and cortosis alloy, and had a beautiful black sheen. The hilt itself drew down to a sharp blade at the bottom. As you reached the emitter of the lightsaber three sharp, double bladed prongs sat on the top, as if they were the fierce guardians of the lightsaber itself. Pleased with her new creation, she clipped he lightsaber to her belt, grabbed her communicator and started to radio for help.
Kitsune set the device to an open frequency and started to cry, "Please is there anyone out there? My ship crash landed and I am alone and tired and hungry! Please anyone!" Kitsune, satisfied with her performance, made her way to the bathroom and made herself look terrible. She ruffled her hair, slashed herself with the knives of her lightsaber, and tore her clothes. She looked like she had been in a terrible crash. The assassin made her way outside using the backdoor and laid down on the grass, as if passed out. Before doing so, however, she hid her weapons in the folds of her clothing. Kitsune didn't have to wait long however, as she soon heard someone approach her. "Well, well, well....what do we have here?"

---

The armored figure walked down the bustling city street. He got many odd looks from the passerbys, but kept walking, undeterred. A hiss came from his shoulder and he looked down. His pet Ysalamir was on his shoulder hissing to his left. The man changed his pace, and followed his Ysalamir. As he walked, the street led into an alley. Cautiously, he entered the alley, hand on one of the holstered pistols by his side. There was now a cloaked figure walking along the same path. As the man continued to follow, the cloaked man broke into a run. The mans lightning fast reflexes caused him to draw his pistol quickly and fired three consecutive shots. Then, he heard the distinctive hum of a lightsaber being ignited. The figure spun around and deflected the three shots with its blue lightsaber. The bolts came back to the man and they bounced right off his armor. The figure threw off its, now her, cloak and got into a battle stance. The Jedi raised her hand and the Force flew from her palm. As she did the Ysalamir let out a screech. Everything moved except the armored man and his pet. The girls eyes widened as she looked him over again. Multiple lightsabers dangled from his belt. A Ysalamir was on his shoulder. He had two black market modified blasters. The lightsaber trophies on his belt. He had a set of blue, black, and silver, modern Mandolorian armor on. This girl knew who he was. Every Force user did. "You're Talon Koth, The Forcehunter." She said frightened. The man chuckled and shook his head.
"Well, I am flattered that you know me by name, truly. And you're Jesita Quen, my target." His said holstering his pistol.
"H-how do you know my name?" The girl said frightened, but still holding her ground.
"Doesn't matter how I know. All I know is that you have the coordinates for a secret hyperspace lane, and my employer wants them. So, I am going to get them." The girl snarled and shouted,
"Never!" Quen charged at Talon. His lightning fast reflexes caused him to grab a lightsaber from his collection and block the attack. A yellow blade blocked Quen's blue saber. "Even a Sith is more fit to wield one of those, more than a mere bounty hunter like yourself." Skirata snarled.
"I am no mere bounty hunter girl!" He said and shoved her off. Quen charged again but this time Talon side stepped and the Jedi overshot him. The yellow blade pierced into the girls abdomen. All light and life left her eyes as she turned to face to her killer. "I am a Force Hunter. I specialize in killing the likes of you." Koth declared, leaning over her soon dead corpse he said, "And I'll also be taking this." Talon reached down and grabbed the Jedi's lightsaber and clicked it on to his hilt. He reached into her pack and found a datapad with the coordinates for the star lane. Before putting it away in his own pack, he imputted them into his wrist panel. He looked down at the girl and walked away, leaving her corpse in the alley. Talon made his way to the local cantina, The Laigreks Nest. He entered discreetly, making his way to the table he had claimed as his own. Much to his surprise he found a band of Weequays sitting there. As Talon approached the aliens stared at him, scowling. “What do you want, Forcehunter?” The lead one said.

“Well, if you know who I am, you know it was a bad idea to take my table.” Koth said. Without another word, he drew one of his blasters and gunned all of them down.

“No blasters! No blasters!” The bartender shouted. It was too late, all that was left of the aliens was a smoking pile of bodies. Talon shoved them to the floor and sat down. Soon, the cantina went back to normal. As Talon sat in his newly reclaimed both, he brought up a list of bounties. As he scrolled through one caught his eye. A Sith girl was wanted on Myrkr. He smiled under his helmet and stood up. This bounty was his. Talon exited the cantina and made his way to his ship, The Krayt Killer. The Krayt Killer was docked on one of the planets impoverished settlements, a great place to hidema modified Correllian YT-1930 Light-frieghter. As Talon entered the docks he nodded to the dockmaster and handed him a purse of credits.
"I was never here." He said. The dockmaster's eyes widened and nodded. Talon strolled through and entered the dock for his ship. The beat up freighter had seen better days but it was one of the fastest ships this side of the Core, so he settled. He approached the vehicle as the ramp lowered. A lone figure stood at the top of the ramp.

A Twi’lek silhouette was outlined in the dim light of the ship. The alien stepped down the ramp, a hand on her hip. The dark blue figure had black tribal tattoos crawling over body. She wore a black corset that hugged her body, and allowed for maximum movement. Her black boots hide more than just her legs from view. On her hip was a a vibrosword that had a dark blue handle, matching her skin tone. Talon smiled under his helmet.
“Please tell me you didn’t draw even more attention to yourself at the cantina.” Her voice sounded light, but stern. Talon shrugged and walked up to her, placing an arm around her waist.
“Oh it will be worth it, my dear Reesha. I got us another job. Plot us a course for Myrkr. I have work to do."

(WOOT WOOT! Finally finished! Sorry it is so long, had to get both characters in there. I will probably keep the format as such until they meet. Criticism is always welcome! Thanks for reading all the way through! I hope I inspire more people to write!)

-MistaJ

(P.S. If anyone would be willing to do some cover art for this I would be happy to work out some sort of payment! My illustration skills are minimal and I lack the proper digital programs to do such.)

No disappointment. Great execution with a conclusive delivery. You do what you do well. This is a nice conclusion to the preview we were teased with quite recently.

As an observation, I found that the fluidity of the scenes described and the settings the characters evolved around wasn't as consistent to the writing of the preview.
Please don't be discouraged by my comment's. It does take talent to create a world, where through imagination and interpretation allows us (the reader) to visualise the characters and the atmosphere they are set in. You do that rather effectively. If I am out-of-line, I apologise. Any scrutiny will fall upon me as a result and I will bare any ill-thoughts for making such comments to you.

I noticed some spelling and grammar typo's . Another with word selection, the part when Kitsune finds the hut. "composed" reads better than 'fixed herself up'. For me, the momentum staggered a little. Much like 'lady-like' versus, say "feminine". To make a suggestion, I'd imagine you to draft your work in a Word Processor either on PC or Laptop. Edit and check before you copy & paste into the Message Posting box.

As Kitsune walks into Maverick's Hut, perhaps set the scene with what is seen by her in addition to Maverick's Lightsaber, panning from left to right. You did this effectively when describing the bench and its position and full detail with the items laid on top. I mention this as during their confrontation I was trying to imagine whether it were a vertical support beam or an overhead beam that Kitsune used as leverage to incapacitate Maverick. A predetermined room with visualised spacing develops defined placement.

The mention to sofa and bathroom had me wondering the era or time setting for this portrayal as these are contemporary references.

During the confrontation between Talon Koth and Jesita Quen in the alley I became a little confused. Who's Varden, because I thought it was just Talon, Quen and a Ysalamir there?

Regarding your Cover Art invitation, I think of an immediate 3 candidates that you should engage. NeBosa, another talented individual and examples of his skills are in this link, Xyster (also shared examples of his work in this topic and GreyJedi73, check out his personal weblink under his Avatar image.

To paraphrase an expression from I movie I watched recently, "You had my Curiosity, Now you have my attention" and support too.

Forgive me for my directness. Should you disagree with by feedback I shall gracefully respect your instructions and delete my Post.

I do look forward to your next Chapter.

OvrcAHst wrote:
Thanks for reading OvrcAHst! I really appreciate your criticisms and even tweaked one or two things because of it! You are not out of line at all my friend. I think towards the end of each section I just wanted it done, might go back and do a little more editing. Thanks again!

-MistaJ

Thanks for acknowledging. I just did an EDIT to my original Post so responses may be inconsistent. Just hope you know that I've got no-beef with you and with trying to be supportive that it didn't come across as me trying to destroy you.

OvrcAHst wrote:
Again, totally supportive of your help! Thanks for the criticisms! I must've missed the Varden thing. Varden was going to be his name, half way through I changed it to Talon Koth. That Varden must have slipped past my eye, sneaky bastard. Thanks again!

-MistaJ

Since the Title is Fates, all will be familiar with Duel of the Fates, perhaps play on this reference with Duo or Dual of the Fates and have Varden introduced as a split personality. Talon being introduced now will be a leading character or the primary protagonist anyway.
Consistent with SW themes about the conflict of Dark vs Light but rather as two separate entities, the conflict is within oneself as a split rather than questioning where ones loyalty lies? (Much like the alleged theories surround Kylo) This just dawned on me as a think-out-loud moment from watching Army of Darkness on TV recently with that scene where he sprouts a second head and fights himself.

You know scratch all that. You're the writer here. Will leave you be to you creativity and character backstory.

Great start, MistaJ! Solid stuff! I'm looking forward to seeing where the story goes next! Talon Koth and his partner immediately had my attention as fun characters. I couldn't help but think little of the Jedi he killed. As far as suggestions, I'd just echo Ovrcahst's advice; take an opportunity to revise/edit (preferably after a rest, I always find that fresh eyes help), hone the craft and all. Looking good! Do you already have a mental roadmap of the story, or is it more like discovering it as you go along?

@OvrcAHst Hahaha don't worry about it man. The idea is pretty cool, though I chose the name 'Fates' for a different reason. Love the idea though!

@Borommakot Thanks for the read! I do have a roadmap up to a certain point, after that, I just plan to follow where my characters take me.

-MistaJ

Tweaked it more! Hope you guys enjoy it more!

MistaJ, That's a significant edit, Does Redbull really give you wings?

Nicely done with inserting '..to examine her surroundings..'. I noticed that the back door and the bathroom scene was omitted? What do you think about the composition structure changes?
Do you like it?

I am not your Editor or your only subscriber (based on the number of increasing views I will conclude that all arrived here with the intention on reading to the end), but as a supporter will make the following observations. I knowingly understand this will make me seem like a prick but I'd like you and this fiction to develop with the confidence I believe it has, whilst remaining open and honest.
'her concentration of midichlorians'

'flowing red hair'

'a single overhead rafter extended across the centre of the hut', like a spine

'leaped towards the overhead rafter with outstretched palms'

'bladed prongs'

'Snarled, an over confident Weequay' ?

This is your work so to disagree is completely justified.

I believe I have inadvertently marked several crosshairs on myself subject to be gunned down.

Never hurts to make suggestions. MistaJ is a chill guy, I doubt he'll mind, and at the end of the day, he has the option to use or not use anything we suggest.

@ MistaJ It just now occurred to me during this reread that the first paragraph with Kitsune happens at a different time, and the story after is like a flash back, right? Hadn't caught that the first time. Your edits have definitely payed off, though, it reads even better now. Ovrcahst makes some good suggestions, so I'd definitely consider those in the context of the style you're wanting to create. Looking forward to more

@Borommakot Thanks for rereading! Yes! The first paragraph is the present, while both other stories are in the past. Shhhhhh no one can know.

-MistaJ

As an extension of my apology with oversight to FanFiction and it's previously established contributors, wanted to shine the light on this Art Topic.

@CallMeMistaJ
I thought of this correlation for your search of Cover Art.

EDIT: and here by Seraphyn303.

(Hola people! Sadly no, this isn't an update. However, I have not given up on this either. Being a full-time college student, part-time at Jamba Juice (a smoothie shop), and volunteer duties, have got me all jumbled up. This is the month before finals so I am really pressed for time. So, rest assured that I am still working on the story, and it shall soon receive an update. Thanks all)