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TOPIC: Idea for a Story

Idea for a Story 1 year 1 month ago #53572

  • Pedrias
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Hey again, saberfanatics! I come to you guys for assistance/feedback with a story idea I've been bouncing around in my head. I'll try to keep it as compact as possible, but enough to give a decent picture.

Setting:Set in the old republic era
Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ]
.

Main Character(s) and what they are all about:

Young man: son of two bankers from Coruscant, former republic commando and pilot. Commando unit comes across wounded Imperial (main characters brother). Imp renounces empire, wishes to join, shot dead by unit leader. Main disillusioned, but still loyal to republic, becomes pilot. Goes well with a few missions, then, unbeknownst to main, left for dead by squad leader (Jedi shadow, sensed darkness in main, thought best left to die). Main captured by imps, sith lord on base, takes main in as apprentice sensing darkness as well. Main still declares loyalty to republic, believing that they will someday rescue him. End of training results in said lord presenting evidence of main being left for dead, along with information on those responsible, main swears vengeance. Main kills master over dispute on principle and belief (still working on this one, but freedom for sensitives maybe?) Seeks apprentice, then vengeance.

Young woman: Daughter of a jedi affair, hidden away on Chandrila under protection of uncle, a jedi knight in on affair as well, and his family. Shortly after relocation, sith attempt to abduct second main at young age (main's master is an apprentice here), both are fend off by jedi. Second main later learns of affair, grows disillusioned with the jedi order, decides to practice ways of the gray jedi. Fearing another attempt, second main relocates to Coruscant, under the guise of an owner of a small bakery in the lower city. Uncle reluctant, but allows her to do so. Through resources, main learns of second main's identity and location, and under a different guise, attempts to charm her away. Successfully charmed, later learns of mains true intentions, resists for a good duration, being a gray jedi and all, but eventually succumbs.

Side note: Story is joint idea with girlfriend, with second main being her idea. Description is from top of my head from what she described to me.


Any and all feedback and/or suggestions (tweeks, what would you like to see, etc.) would be great! Thanks!
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Idea for a Story 1 year 1 month ago #53575

  • Kered
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Well from what I can see you got the parts u need to write u a story one thing that helped me was knowing exactly how I wanted to end the story from there it didn't really matter what happened as long as they continued towards that end will keep my eyes peeled for ur story good luck
The force is strong in this one.but the dark side is always there
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Idea for a Story 1 year 1 month ago #53577

  • Borommakot
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Sounds like a way fun story! A couple of bits confused me a little, though:
Pedrias wrote:
under protection of uncle
Who is she being protected from?
main at young age (main's master is an apprentice here), both are fend off by jedi.
I'm not sure if this refers only to the woman, or both main characters. Since one's a man and one's a woman, it'd probably be clearer to just refer to them as man and woman, instead of main and second main.

I hope you share their story here with us!
Last Edit: 1 year 1 month ago by Borommakot.
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Idea for a Story 1 year 1 month ago #53579

  • Pedrias
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A good question. I figured if she is the product of a jedi affair, then it is more that she is just being hidden, kept secret from the jedi, versus being protected, though good to have the uncle to watch over, just in case. May have to create an alibi as to how the uncle can do both this and obligate his jedi duties, or maybe just put her in hiding with a normal family and have him check in every once in a great while? Either way, back to the drawing board with this one!

Good point. I thought it would make things clear, but I guess made them more complicated, I'll make the necessary edits when possible.

That's the idea! I feel like this would be a story worth sharing and I'm glad it sounds fun, thus I am most eager to share the final product with this community! Thanks guys for the feedback thus far, it certainly helps!
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